Craft fail: Coke Salad:
You remember that in my Buffalo Chicken Dip Recipe, I mentioned that I was using a family cookbook that my cousin, Terri made for me, right? She had gathered recipes from family members and compiled them in an adorable little volume. In that same cookbook, was a weird recipe called “Coke Salad”. I should have known right then and there that the words COKE and SALAD should never be in the same sentence, much less mingle together. The recipe seemed strange, but that’s what made me decide that I should make it for all of you. I would bring you guys something cool and interesting (hopefully). Unfortunately, instead I ended up with a giant mess. A mess that aggravated me so much. For one, it was messy and a waste of ingredients and 2: the hubster said that the can of cherries he picked up at the local supermarket cost him nearly 5 dollars. I wish I had been with him, because I would have throttled him for even considering paying 5$ for a can of cherries. That’s ridiculous, especially on an “experiment”. He said that cherry pie filling was almost 4$. Say what? When the heck did THAT happen? WHEN I decide to try this recipe again, I will wait until after we hit Wal-Mart. While I love having a local grocery store in our town of less than 2,000 people, their prices at times can be highway robbery. I get it, they’re independent and stuff costs more, etc etc. I understand it, I just don’t like it very much.
In this recipe in the cookbook it asked for the following ingredients:
- brick of cream cheese
- 1 can of black cherries
- 1 3 ounce box of cherry gelatin
- 16 ounces of Coca Cola
- Pecans (which I omitted)
- 1 can of crushed pineapple
Now can you see why I said this recipe was WEIRD. I mean, with the jello and the fruit, I couldn’t see the point of the cream cheese or the coke, but I digress. Hubster brought home two small boxes of Jello because he’s apparently smarter than either me or the recipe were. He said “it seemed like you’d need more than one”. *cue ominous music here*. Hubster hubster smart smart smart, Heather and recipe DUMB! I got my motley crew of weirdo ingredients together and I began to follow the recipe’s short instructions which were the following:
- Drain Cherries and Pineapple. Save the juice
- Heat the juice in a saucepan on the stove
- Pour hot juice on gelatin to dissolve. Stir
- Cool. Add coke, halve cherries
- chop cream cheese and add with the pineapple to thickened gelatin
Honestly, that’s all it said! All I could envision were chunks of cream cheese floating in Jello. I love cream cheese, but that didn’t seem entirely appealing. It didn’t help that when I mixed the Coke, pineapples, cherries and stuff together, it foamed up and it looked like a toxic garbage can. Add in “chopped softened cream cheese” and it took on a very… unappetizing consistency.
Yeaahhh. Not going well. I decided to trust the recipe and push onward to culinary glory! Since the cream cheese was just floating in there all gross like after the gelatin was added, I tried to use the hand mixer on it. All that did was slosh the soda and gelatin mixture around. It didn’t event touch the cream cheese. Yummy. (that’s a sarcastic yummy in case you were wondering) As you can imagine, it splattered a decent amount, even on the lowest setting. Now I was looking at a bowl of coke/jello/fruit juice abomination with tiny chunks of canned pineapples and floating cream cheese pieces. Discouraged, I put the mess in the fridge. I thought that once it started to set, I could try taking the mixer to it again to try to better blend the cream cheese. Unfortunately, the jello NEVER SET. I poured it into two round, shallow cake pans to try to help it along and nope. I let it set in the fridge OVERNIGHT. I was hoping that the Jello fairy would show up but she never did. It was as watery as it was when I first put it in.
My guess is that it needed another box of Jello, but that’s what I get for trusting some weird recipe. GAH! I picked a few of the cherries out of the “Coke slop” and used them on some plain Greek yogurt but let me tell you, marinating in Coke doesn’t really do them any favors. Hey, at least I have a funny post for everyone today though. I know that when I try this again that I am changing the recipe. I mean, I get the idea. It’s a molded gelatin with pineapples and using fruit juice and Coke instead of the water. I don’t think it needs the cream cheese unless I whip it up as a topping? I haven’t really decided yet. Looking on Google images for this mysterious “Coke Salad” yielded lovely photos of sparkling, red, pretty molded Jello. Hmmph. Overachievers!